tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32454894763832040772024-03-21T16:00:05.850-05:00My Unplanned JourneyI am in a crisis and this is my journey. It is an unplanned journey. You see, there was an original trip planned, but plans change. This is the story of that new journey.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-1464541327641242232010-12-13T18:49:00.000-06:002010-12-13T18:49:35.089-06:00New BlogIt is a new season in my life and time for a new blog. If you are interested, you can find it at www.amyinpace2.blogspot.com.<br />
<br />
Thanks for sharing the journey!Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-67622951758772608352010-12-05T21:07:00.004-06:002010-12-28T17:36:03.060-06:00For all that has been, thanks! For all that will be, yes!I am overwhelmed as I write this blog. It is the final blog for "My Unplanned Journey." It is bittersweet. Many of you leave such sweet comments, and you share your own stories with me. I will miss those. That is the bitter part. But the sweet part for me is that I feel as if I can honestly say that I am now okay. The journey isn't over, but God has brought me through the first leg.<br />
<br />
Dag Hammarskjold said: "For all that has been, thanks! For all that will be, yes!"<br />
<br />
Today I read this passage from <i><i><i>The Saga of Life</i></i></i>.<br />
<br />
<i>"I loved my uncle's ranch when I was a child! There was space to run unhampered, freedom to explore. The dust lay inches thick upon the trails, and running barefoot down the path of sifting powder was a sumptuous sort of feeling. The barn was my playground, full of animated toys. In the loft there were hay and mice and fairly friendly spiders. The mint grew wild and plush beside the creek, and my aunt made berry pies and the smell would seek me out wherever I played around the house. I rode my cousin's palomino horse through fantasies that never seemed to end. If I am not careful, Lord, I can edit out these memories and forget that I got a bee sting where I picked the mint and burned my tongue time and time again on the berry pies because I never seemed to learn and couldn't wait. Or that the barn smelled just awful or that the horse made my bottom sore and the dust that felt like sifted powder made me sneeze all summer. If I am not careful, I can forget all these things. But if I'm wise, I will remember that all of life has both these things in it."</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
John Claypool goes on to comment about the passage.<br />
<i>"It is very important that we never conclude that only the pleasant and the beautiful have positive value. The truth of the matter is that life is a bittersweet reality, and that is its essence and its glory. For the final outcome both the sunshine and the shadows are needed. A belief in providence, in a God who is at work in all things for good, can lead to that perspective on the past that enables one to say: 'For all that has been, thanks!' It is one thing to look back and say: 'For some of what has been, thanks!' To embrace all of life in that thanksgiving is something quite different, but it is the perspective that a belief in God's goodness and wisdom provides. Understanding life as a destiny, not happenstance, and acknowledging God's hand as having been in it all, does make for gratitude, acceptance and the ability to end one's days at peace with the past."</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
This weekend, God handed me back my quilt of life. Some of the pieces in the quilt were beautiful. They were the precious memories of happy times. Other pieces were not as appealing. They were the dark days and difficult moments. At first, I didn't know if I liked those pieces, but then I realized that those were the pieces that gave the quilt its strength and its warmth. And when I stepped back and looked at the quilt, I realized that when it ALL came together, it was beautiful. I will be able to use it to help give warmth to many who are facing the cold realities of a harsh life.<br />
<br />
Thank you for sharing this part of my journey in life. I said in an earlier blog that a part of my dream is to help others. Please feel free to e-mail me through the e-mail listed on my profile if you just want someone to listen and pray for you as you travel your own Unplanned Journey. <br />
<br />
Philippians 1:6 (New Living Translation)<br />
<br />
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.<br />
<br />
<i>For all that has been, thanks. For all that will be, yes!</i><br />
<br />
<iframe frameborder="0" height="295" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/EXPcpzkjfA8?fs=1" width="480"></iframe>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-42224799633468402442010-12-05T19:48:00.001-06:002010-12-06T07:24:02.816-06:00Trading in my last bit of sorrow!I attended a Women's Conference this weekend. I have been to many such conferences in my adult life. This one was different. Maybe it was because I am different. I went to the conference as one who has been broken and was partially healed. God has done wonderful things in my life this year. He has brought me through dark, difficult days. When I left the conference this weekend, I felt as if I had been kissed by God, and my healing was complete. I know there will still be difficult days, but I am finally at the point where I can take a deep breath and say, "All is well."<br />
<br />
As the speakers came forward, each one seemed as if God had purposefully designed the words they spoke just to minister to me. Isn't that amazing how He does that? I know that there were thousands of other women there who experienced the exact same feelings. <br />
<br />
On Friday night Kay Arthur spoke for an hour and a half on the entire book of Matthew. I didn't even notice the length because she kept me on the edge of my seat. She talked about who Christ is and what His calling was. I thought about that a lot that evening and the next day. On Saturday morning we opened with worship. I am not even sure what song we were singing. I just know that it talked about Jesus being my healer. In that moment I realized something. While I had come a long way, there were still wounds deep within me that I had held on to. On the outside I looked good, healthy and whole for the most part. But inside, buried within the deep chambers of my being, were still some hurts that I had kept as my own. As we began to sing the song about Jesus, our healer, I got the most beautiful image in my mind. In the Old Testament a blood sacrifice had to be offered for the atonement of sin. But when Christ came, He was offered up as the perfect sacrifice. No longer did animal sacrifices have to be offered. The blood Christ shed atones our sins. I believe that just as His blood has the redeeming power to forgive me of my sins and make me a new creation, it also has the power to redeem my life circumstances and make my life into a living testimony for Him. As I was thinking about the redeeming power of His blood, I pictured that precious blood that was shed for me, saturating my heart. Then in my mind, it traveled from my heart to every artery and vein in my body. As it did, it covered every deep and hidden wound that I have held tightly to and brought the healing touch that only He can bring. When the song was over, I physically felt lighter. I started weeping, and I wept for a long time. I finally let it ALL go. I gave all the hurt the sorrow and the pain to Him completely and totally. Finally, I can say that He has healed my broken heart. <br />
<br />
I know there will still be difficult days. No matter how beautifully our wounds heal, if we look closely, we will still see the faint sign of a scar. I will always have that as long as I am on this earth. But when I have those days and I see those scars, I will not let it make me sad, angry or bitter. I will let it be a reminder to me that I have a heavenly Father who is crazy in love with me and can carry me through any circumstance that life throws my way.<br />
<br />
I learned so much more at the conference on a more personal level. When I left, I was so overwhelmed that I was speechless. We had a five hour ride home. For most of the ride, I was silent. I prayed, I meditated, and I sought God for what He would have me do with what I learned. I hope that anyone who reads this knows Him as his personal Saviour. I cannot imagine going through the last year without a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He has been my Comforter, my Provider, and my Redeemer. He wants to be that for everyone on the face of this earth. He made it so simple for us. He said that all we need to do is accept Him as our personal Lord and Saviour. Then we just hand the reins over to Him, let Him be in control, and hang on for the ride of our life.<br />
<br />
There is an old song by Andre' Crouch that says it best:<br />
<br />
It reaches to the highest mountain,it flows to the lowest valley;<br />
the blood that gives me strength from day to day,<br />
it will never lose its power.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-21592430381516176112010-12-03T12:14:00.002-06:002012-04-03T06:10:36.861-05:00We will not be stopped!We are finally off and away. When Brenda came to pick me up, I asked her if we could run by the drugstore. As we were leaving, she mentioned our lunch tickets for tomorrow. I suddenly gasped. I left my ticket at home. Thankfully, we were just a couple of minutes away. This is where our comedy of errors began. <br />
<br />
I reached in my purse to get the keys. They were not there. Yesterday I had left them in my car, which was safely locked in the garage. Not a problem, my neighbor had a key to my house. She was not at home. Not a problem, her neighbor had a key to her house. I would just borrow it and go into Jojo's house to get my key. That neighbor was not at home. Not a problem, Lily's high school is just around the corner. I worked there for a year. I will just call one of my friends there and ask them to send for her and borrow her key. I called the high school and asked to be connected to three of my previous coworkers. All three were away from their desks. Not a problem, I would just go by her classroom. I knew her teachers from working there. She had Mr. Dasher for English Comp. I was a little intimidated by him, but I was getting that key. I walked to the door and heard Mr. Dasher lecturing. This was just great. I interrupted his class only to find out that she was not in there. We figured out that she was in calculus. He joked with me and told me to go interrupt Mr. Holland's class. That class was on the other side of the campus. We drove all the way around the campus to the math hall. I found her and got the key. Five minutes later, my ticket was in my hands. I have one thing to say. "Greater is He who is within me than He that is in the world." (1 John 4: 4)<br />
<div style="clear: both; font-size: xx-small; text-align: center;">
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5</div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-71369747543078580432010-12-03T08:20:00.001-06:002010-12-03T14:54:58.126-06:00Tomorrow IS a better day!Try as we might, we cannot stay "up" all the time. Feelings can change so quickly. I think of a summer thunderstorm that rolls in during the afternoon. One minute the sun is shining, and it is beautiful. The next minute dark clouds have overtaken the sky, and a storm is quickly approaching. We have been run off the beach more than a few times by the beach patrol when such a storm was heading toward us.<br />
<br />
I want to assure anyone reading that I have my moments when the emotional thunderstorms roll in. Sometimes they are just that, moments. Other times, they last for days. I try to "keep my chin up" and keep a positive attitude, but some days it is harder than others. At times a positive and happy attitude happens naturally, and other times it takes a conscious effort to choose to be happy. One thing is certain: I cannot do it in my own capacities. My friend Patti Davis gave me this great little cross. It is wooden and carved in a kind of twisted shape. It was carefully carved in a shape to fit in the palm of your hand. I have started keeping that cross with me at all times. When I find myself going "down," I grab the cross and tightly hold it in my grip and offer up a prayer to God. Seeing that cross reminds me that no matter how I feel or what is going on in my life, there is one place that I can run to for safety from the storm. Often, just this prayer is enough to pull me out of the shadows of darkness. Other times, however, even after praying with all my might, I still find myself in the shadows. It is at these times that I just continue to ask God to be with me, and I say to myself, "Tomorrow will be a better day." <br />
<br />
Today is a great big tomorrow for me that is following several weeks of struggling with ups and downs of this crazy journey. Last week, I got a call from my friend, Leigh Shirer. She had a ticket to the Deeper Still Conference in Birmingham that she could no longer use because her husband is having knee surgery. She wanted to give me the ticket. I called her to say, "Thanks, but no thanks. I just don't need to take off work." Somehow, less than two minutes into the conversation, she had talked me into taking the ticket. When I hung up the phone, I wondered what had just happened. But within five minutes I found myself getting "blissfully excited" about the conference. I know in my heart that God has orchestrated this trip for me as a time of rest and renewal as I wrap up the end of my first year in this Unplanned Journey. Let me tell you, He worked out every single detail of the trip. My principal assured me that it was okay to take the day off work. I found out my good friend, Brenda, is going with her sister in law. She graciously offered for me to ride up there with her and let me stay with them in their hotel room. And if all that isn't enough, God just piled one more thing on the top. I received a text yesterday from one of my very best college friends. She saw on Facebook that I was going to the conference. She is going as well. So I also get to reconnect with her. I tell you this. God is just showing off.<br />
<br />
As I come to the end of the first year of my journey, I can say this: I would not be where I am today if it were not for my God, my family, my friends, my coworkers, and my students. It is hard to believe that it has only been a year. I feel like the lessons that I have learned this year should have been learned in half a lifetime. But one thing is for certain. This year has made my faith rock solid. I had an amazing tutor in Christ who carried me every step of the way through this crash course in handling life's difficulties. I would not be where I am today and at this emotional state of healing if it were not for Him. I feel as if this weekend is the icing on the cake that He has been baking with me all year. I know that many of you are traveling your own Unplanned Journey. Please don't travel your journey alone. You have a loving Father who wants to hold your hand and travel with you. It is hard. I will admit. It is a journey of faith and trust. But with Him, you can and will make it.<br />
<br />
Proverbs 3:5-6 (King James Version)<br />
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.<br />
In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-72466884463140873312010-12-01T22:14:00.003-06:002010-12-02T07:37:17.874-06:00My Mismatched Quilt of LifeI love my grandmother's quilts. None of the pieces match. When I was a little girl, she still sewed a lot of her clothes. The quilts were made either from remnants that were left over from her dresses or from pieces that she picked up on sale. I have a very old quilt of hers. When I look at it, in the recesses of my mind I have a vague memory of her wearing a dress from one of the fabrics on the quilt. It is a comforting thought.<br />
<br />
I have heard a particular line many times throughout this Journey that I just don't like. "Everything happens for a reason." So many wonderful and well meaning people have said this to me. I know they are only trying to help and comfort, but I just don't believe that this is a true statement. Bad things happen because we live in a fallen, sinful world full of sinful people. (I certainly include myself in that category. I am surely a sinner that is saved by grace.) My best friend's husband died seven years ago from a terrible disease called cancer that exists in this world. I am divorced because my ex-husband no longer wanted to be in our marriage. There are no good reasons for any of these things.<br />
<br />
However, life is not all bleak and hopeless. While I do not believe that everything happens for a reason, I do believe that no matter what happens to us, if we seek God with all of our hearts, He will work it all out for our good. That is a promise made to us in a Bible verse that I learned years ago.<br />
<br />
Romans 8:28 (New Living Translation)<br />
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.<br />
<br />
That is an amazing feeling. When I feel down and discouraged, I cling to that promise. I will be honest. It is not always easy. I don't have any earthly idea what my future holds. But I know that God holds my future, and I know that He is taking this terrible situation and weaving it together into a beautiful life for me. I trust that with all my heart. While I don't know what my future holds, I do know that as long as I am loving and following God, it WILL be good.<br />
<br />
You know, my grandmother's quilts would have never won any contests at the fair, but to me they are beautiful. They were pieced together from leftover scraps and made into something wonderful. When I am wrapped in those quilts and memories of her come to mind, I feel her love that I knew for so many years come over me.<br />
<br />
My original quilt of life was a work of art. It was carefully crafted and to the world looked like a masterpiece. That quilt was torn apart. But my loving heavenly Father is remaking it. He is taking the scraps from my old life and carefully and precisely piecing them together. He is discarding the pieces that are beyond repair and replacing them with new, colorful pieces that make it even more interesting. This quilt is going to be even more meaningful because it is going to be threaded with lessons learned and heartaches overcome. It will be stronger and sturdier than the first one. No doubt, it will be able to help and comfort others in ways that the first one never could.<br />
<br />
<i>Thank you, God, that with You, there is ALWAYS hope. No matter how desperate our lives seem, You promise us that if we will love You and follow You, it will all work out for our good in the end. I don't know what my "good" is quite yet. I get impatient at times and want You to hurry up and show me my plan for my life. I want to see the "finished quilt." But I know that I need to stop worrying about my future and just enjoy each day and the blessings that You send me. Thank you, Lord, that I have You, and my scraps are not just thrown into the trash, but they are being woven into something beautiful. Amen.</i><br />
<br />
<i><br />
</i>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-62711449382672259062010-11-30T20:49:00.001-06:002010-12-01T07:14:56.855-06:00Must I let go?This morning, I was began reading a little book, <i>The Saga of Life. </i>In it, the author is discussing the transition from adolescence to adulthood. He shares these words from Alan Paton.<br />
<br />
<i>I see my son wearing long trousers; I tremble at this. I see he goes forward confidently, he does not know so fully his own gentleness. Go forward, eager and reverent child. See here, I begin to take my hands away from you. I shall see you walk carelessly on the edge of the precipice, but if you wish, you shall hear no word come out of me. My whole soul will be sick with apprehension, but I shall not disobey you. Life sees you coming, she sees you come with assurance toward her. She lies in wait for you. She cannot but hurt you. Yet go forward. Go forward. I hold the bandages and the ointment ready. And if you would go elsewhere and lie alone with your wounds, I shall not intrude upon you. If you would seek the help of some other person, I will not come forcing myself upon you. If you should fall into sin, innocent one, that is the way of this pilgrimage. Struggle against it, not for one fraction of a moment concede its dominion. It will occasion you grief and sorrow, it will torment you. But hate not God, nor turn from Him in shame or self-reproach. He has seen many such, and His compassion is as great as His creation. Be tempted and fall and return. Return and be tempted and fall, a thousand times a thousand, even to a thousand thousand. For out of this tribulation there comes a peace, deep in the soul and surer than any dream.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
I was so intrigued by this beautiful passage. I think I reread the passage four times. As I read, I saw it from two different perspectives. First, I thought about my life and my relationship with my parents. I can only imagine the incredible grief that they have endured this year as they have had to watch their baby girl travel this Unplanned Journey, but, even more difficult, to have to watch me travel it as an adult and make my own way. Now my daddy has certainly had his opinions about what I should and should not do. But in the end it is my journey, and I have had to make my own way in this pilgrimage. They have had to sit back and watch me travel, holding the bandages and ointments ready for those times that I needed them. As a parent myself, I can only imagine how difficult this must have been. <br />
<br />
As a parent of two teenage girls, one who will be going away to college in a few short months, I can see this through a parent's eyes. Just yesterday, I was holding their tiny hands and helping them balance as they learned to walk. Now the time is coming close when I have to let go. If only I could protect them from ever getting hurt. But I cannot. I have to start letting them go and face the world that can be so cold and cruel -- this same world that can be so seductive and tempting. Will they get hurt? Most certainly. Will they give in to the temptation of sin at times? I would love to say, "Absolutely not." But, surely at times they will. However, if I have taught them nothing else in the few short years that I have had them, I pray that I have taught them to run to God first. And as the passage says, run to him again and again.<br />
<br />
Proverbs 22:6 (New King James Version)<br />
<br />
Train up a child in the way he should go, <br />
And when he is old he will not depart from it.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-55431513792460821352010-11-29T06:05:00.001-06:002010-12-01T07:23:13.806-06:00To Do or Not To Do....That is MY question!“It’s not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What’s hard is figuring out what you are willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about.”<br />
<br />
I read this quote in a book last week during my time of searching. I needed to read this. I was overwhelmed. Two days earlier I had walked outside and my pool had gone from a nice teal color that definitely showed signs of needing attention to lake water green which screamed for help! It was the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back." According to an internet site, this saying refers to a small and seemingly insignificant addition to a burden that renders it too much to bear, the small thing which causes failure, or causes inability or unwillingness to endure any more of something. That was where I was. I had had enough. I was tired of taking care of this house and yard. I was tired of being a single, divorced mother of two. Then I started thinking about "this time last year." I never had to worry about the yards. During my Thanksgiving break, I was busying myself around the house, cleaning and decorating for Christmas. I was shopping and wrapping presents. Never did I know what would lie ahead for me in the coming weeks.<br />
<br />
I had to snap out of that thinking. I can't go back. This is where I am. I have to deal with it and move forward. So when I read the quote, it almost jumped off the page at me. <br />
<br />
What do I want my life to be about? The author of that quote is so right! That is the easy part. I want to be a mother that enjoys her children, not one that is constantly on edge. I want to serve God. I want to spend more time reading, praying, writing and discovering His plan for my life. I want to help others through these murky waters of life. I want to be the teacher that challenges students academically and inspires and motivates them to be better citizens. Finally, one day I hope that God would see fit to allow me to be a wife again. That is a pretty big list. <br />
<br />
Now, the hard part. What am I willing to give up? I have given up the conviction that my house has to be immaculate. I can't deal with chaos. However, if the counters are fairly clean and there is only enough hair on the bathroom floor to make half a wig, then it will be okay. My yards are not going to look like <em>Southern Living</em> yards as they once did. I did deal with the pool, but right now my beds need pine straw in them, and that is how they are going to stay. I am giving up my propensity to say "yes" to anything anyone asks me to do. I just am not able to do all the things I used to do. The hardest thing to give up was one of our animals. We decided that we needed to find a home for the Nala, our cat. While it was a hard decision, we found a wonderful home for her where she is loved and cared for. Finally, I asked the girls if it would be okay if we did not drag the endless Christmas decorations from the attic and spend countless hours decorating only to take it all down in a few weeks. They were thrilled with the idea. I think they knew how much they would have to be involved in this process and were more than happy to give up the Norman Rockwell image of Christmas. I looked at them and said, "I am already giddy about not having to take everything down after Christmas!" I promise we are not Scrooges! We were blasting Christmas carols at the top of our lungs yesterday. And we have already started celebrating Christmas with our friends and enjoying their decorations. This decision was not about "not celebrating." It was simply about taking something off my plate. So that is a start, and it is a big one. <br />
<br />
I know that my list of "what I want to do" and "what I am willing to give up" will change from time to time. It all depends on where God has me at any particular point in my life. But my life lesson that I learned through my time of searching last week was this: I am only one person. There are only so many hours in a day. I have to seek God and make a decision about what I can and should be doing with those few precious hours. I found the following verse that relates to this topic.<br />
<br />
Ephesians 5:15-16<br />
<i>So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days.</i><br />
<br />
One commentator on this passage has this today. "Time is a talent given us by God, and it is misspent and lost when not employed according to His design." It can't be said any better than that. Let all of us who call ourselves Christians strive to spend our days according to HIS design for our lives!Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-34130052259863290202010-11-28T19:15:00.000-06:002010-11-28T19:15:42.739-06:00Finding My Smile<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I have had a wonderful Thanksgiving week. Here is the thing. There have been some very low points, but I pulled through them. I have often heard that if we didn't have winter, we couldn't appreciate the spring. I was consoling an Alabama fan today. (I really don't pull for either team!) I said, "Somebody has to lose." He said, "Yep. I guess you wouldn't appreciate the wins if you never lost." In the same way, having the low moments makes you appreciate the moments when you feel good again. That is why I can say it was a wonderful week.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I realized early in the week that I needed to reconnect with God. I spent a day fasting from food as a way of committing this time to seeking Him. I also fasted from television, the radio, and yes, Facebook. I needed God’s direction in my life more than ever. I had decisions to make about the house. It is time to make serious decisions about where Lily will be going to college. And, sadly, I let go all too quickly of a really great relationship without even praying about it. I just let go out of fear and by the end of the week realized that I had made a mistake. While I was not in the dark place, I felt the weight of these things closing in on me. Emotionally, I felt as if I could not breathe.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I lost my smile. People often tell me that I smile with my eyes. I don’t think my eyes were smiling too much. I needed to get that back, and the sure way to do it was to spend time with God. The Psalmist David understood this. He said, “Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle in my eyes, or I will die.” Psalm 13:3.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I desperately needed God’s touch in my life and His direction. So I decided to use last week and spend time intentionally seeking God. What does that mean, and how is it different from my normal time with God? Well, I used all of my free time to seek Him. I did spend time with family, friends, and of course, my girls. But otherwise, I spent my time reading my Bible, a couple of books, and praying. We always make the excuse that we are too busy to spend much time doing those things, but it is amazing how much time we really have when we pull out just those things I mentioned.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I have my smile back. It wasn't easy. I commented to someone today that I wish there were a magic pill or a great little twelve-week program that could give us our happiness back when life has hit us so very hard. But there is not. So how did I get my smile back? I asked God for it, and I kept on plugging. There were times this week when I would be overcome with depression, and all I wanted to do was sleep. I have discovered that there are two types of sleep. There is "rest" sleep that you need when you are exhausted. You crash in the afternoon, and you sleep so hard and so soundly that you can hardly pull yourself out and wake up. Then there is "depression" sleep. This sleep is not so sound. You don't ever fall into that deep sleep. It is as if you are in limbo. You can't really go soundly to sleep, but at the same time you feel too tired to get up. I had a couple of those days this week. It is hard to get your smile back when you feel like this. But while I did sleep and rest some, I forced myself to get up. I reminded myself of all the times in the past year that God has reached down and rescued me. I knew that He had done this before, and He would do it again.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Psalm 18:16-19 (New Living Translation)</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">He reached down from heaven and rescued me;</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> He drew me out of deep waters.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">He rescued me from my powerful enemies,</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> from those who hated me and were too strong for me.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress,</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> but the Lord supported me.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">He led me to a place of safety;</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> He rescued me because He delights in me.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">He delights in me. I love that, and that by itself is enough to give me back my smile.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I learned some other things this week that I will be sharing in future blogs. For now, though, I just want to celebrate the smile. I am sure it will get misplaced again. Life is just like that, isn't it? There really is no such thing as "happily ever after" as long as we are on this earth. However, the next time it is lost, I know how to find it. Sometimes the search for it will be long and laborious, but when I find it, the effort is all worthwhile!</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6FZcP7VDM7cVvufm1PzoBmJKLKg3ujb0X3RfVdhTW1l3pvq95BEdrxnEm1fthlKTIpI0nvu286sdug0vEqaqMIk1Yft9QfwS9d2VcFEsZL21aJLTGLvoWlcky7t8HL-gf_MAEr191G4Q/s1600/156057_1719009341857_1436988966_31790320_7384318_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6FZcP7VDM7cVvufm1PzoBmJKLKg3ujb0X3RfVdhTW1l3pvq95BEdrxnEm1fthlKTIpI0nvu286sdug0vEqaqMIk1Yft9QfwS9d2VcFEsZL21aJLTGLvoWlcky7t8HL-gf_MAEr191G4Q/s200/156057_1719009341857_1436988966_31790320_7384318_n.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We all found our smiles. Lily even found a gopher smile</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><b><i><br />
</i></b></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><b><i><br />
</i></b></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><b><i><br />
</i></b></div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-56059719057714622422010-11-23T08:10:00.001-06:002010-11-28T18:20:54.669-06:00A Stop on the JourneyThis will be my last blog for a while. I am not sure how long. I strongly believe in the spiritual discipline of fasting. I will spend time fasting physically from food and mentally as well from television, radio and the computer. I need direction from God in many areas of my life. I don't want to stumble through on my own. I know that I will just make a mess of things. I am at the point where I desperately need His direction. I am seeking His direction in many areas.<br />
<br />
<ul><li>Spiritual: I need to know where God would have me be in church. It is that simple.</li>
<li>Physical: I am praying for friends who are struggling with physical issues. I am also praying for my physical needs and decisions. What should I do with this house? What do we need to do with college coming up for Lily?</li>
<li>Emotional: I am praying for a sound mind for me and my girls. 2 Timothy 1:7 says that God has given us a sound mind. One commentator puts it this way. "The concept of a 'sound mind' has more to do with our attitude than we may realize. If our mind is sound, it is not cluttered up with the cares of this world. Its processes start with God and end with God."</li>
<li>Relational: I need God's direction as I sail through these uncharted waters in my life. When I said my vows twenty-one years ago, I thought that I would never be traveling this road, but here I am. There is no doubt that I will make a mess of it without God. </li>
</ul><div>To all of you who have shared my journey, laughed with me, cried with me, and most importantly, prayed for me, I am forever grateful. I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that I am where I am because of your love and support.</div><div><br />
</div><div>This is not the end of my blog. I just need to make a road stop on my Unplanned Journey and spend some time alone with God.</div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-71642634487715723882010-11-22T15:00:00.003-06:002010-11-29T16:50:45.541-06:00Forget About Morning Breath!When I was right in the middle of my separation and divorce, I can remember that the absolute worst time for me was first thing in the morning. I would wake up, and for just a split second I would forget everything that had happened. For just an instant, life was okay. Then the second passed, and I realized that things were not okay. <br />
<br />
Those moments have passed. That never happens anymore. When I wake up, from the very first second, I know that I am a divorced, single mother. It is really good to get to this point, because waking up is no longer an emotional hurdle to be crossed each morning. However, waking up alone is still hard. <br />
<br />
Last night God gave me a little serendipity. I love that word. A serendipity is finding something valuable or delightful when you are not looking for it. Once again, last night, I was reading the Psalms. I came across the following passage.<br />
<br />
Psalm 139:17-18<br />
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.<br />
They cannot be numbered!<br />
I can’t even count them;<br />
they outnumber the grains of sand!<br />
And when I wake up,<br />
You are still with me!<br />
<br />
God reminded me that I never wake up alone. He is always with me. I am so glad, and that gives me so much comfort and hope. This morning when I woke up, that verse was the first thing that I thought about.<br />
<br />
I cannot close, however, without saying something to my dear friends out there who are still married. I know when the passion has faded and you are dealing with the struggles and trials of day to day life, sometimes, you just don't like your spouse. Waking up to them may not give you the great joy that I am talking about here, especially if they look crazy and have morning breath. I get that. I have been there. Please don't take those precious moments with your spouses for granted. Thank God that you have them in your life. Smile at them, and tell them good morning. Maybe you can even forget about morning breath and give them a kiss. Every day is a gift. Start out your day remembering that and giving thanks for the one beside you.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-82180065853103666082010-11-21T17:41:00.005-06:002010-11-28T18:02:22.121-06:00Yes, Lord, I believe. Help me with my unbelief.Today I went to a different church. I wanted to go to one where no one knew me. My family and friends have been absolutely amazing in helping me through the dark days of my Unplanned Journey. However, I have felt lately that I need to visit a church where it is just me and God. It is hard to explain. But I just wanted to be somewhere that there was no history and where no one knew my story. I just prayed and went online and searched for churches in Pensacola. The first one to come up was Harvest Church which meets in the Rave Theater. There was a 10:00 service. I decided to go.<br />
<br />
On the way there, I was struggling. I have said from the beginning of the blog that I would be honest with my struggles, for that is the only way to reach healing. I have had an emotional week. I wrote earlier about ending my relationship with David last week. I felt us connecting on many different levels. I was so afraid that he was not having those same connections, and I was terrified of being hurt. I have struggled with that decision all week. Was it the right one? I just don't know anymore. Yesterday I was working in my yards and praying about the situation. Rarely do I think that God speaks to me. It is not an audible voice, just something that comes to my mind, and I know beyond a shadow of any doubt that it is from God. The words from Him were this. "Not necessarily no, just not now." I am not sure exactly what the "Not necessarily no" part means. Does it mean, not necessarily no to David? Maybe God will bring us back together one day. Does it mean not necessarily no to any future relationship? I am just not sure. What I do understand is the "just not now" part. For now, God wants me to focus on Him and let Him continue to do the healing work in me that He started on January 19. I still believe with all my heart that God put me and David in each other's paths. I strongly believe that he was a part of my healing process, and I still am not completely convinced that our journey together has ended. But for now, once again, my relationship needs to be with God. <br />
<br />
I have come so far from where I was this spring. Let me be quick to say that I know that the endings of my marriage and this most recent relationship do not even begin to compare. And though I am sad, I have complete faith and trust in my heavenly Father that He has the very best in store for me. The "dark place" is not even a remote enticement. Last night, I laughed so hard. I have three of the girls' friends from Slapout here with us. Several of my students from school were on a photograph scavenger hunt. They texted me and asked me if they could come by to get some of the items for the hunt. They needed someone dressed up like Harry Potter, a guy dressed in girl's clothes, a girl in jeans with holes, and two people jumping in a pool. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 6px; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_wP0fBgwSzqbhI2sAv7SB7GDmQelGBvwRfIgZ-fg6z35qWrbEZCkFR0Ge4bxlPCZB1YQfwEYxLmB0oqpQ-YJfghV7XNaJtjV0JZ-4vFRoi7XVVMhyphenhyphenHLzUgTJuM2ktEb8E0aLLUIPErYg/s1600/74169_180164271997511_100000118187776_714878_3397941_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_wP0fBgwSzqbhI2sAv7SB7GDmQelGBvwRfIgZ-fg6z35qWrbEZCkFR0Ge4bxlPCZB1YQfwEYxLmB0oqpQ-YJfghV7XNaJtjV0JZ-4vFRoi7XVVMhyphenhyphenHLzUgTJuM2ktEb8E0aLLUIPErYg/s200/74169_180164271997511_100000118187776_714878_3397941_n.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 10px; padding-top: 4px; text-align: center;">Here are the "scavengers." They talked me into the "holy" jean picture!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
We tried to get one of her guy friends from Slapout to wear the dress. He tried one on but said it didn't fit. He then agreed to go jump in the pool with one of the girls. After jumping in the pool, he said, "I'm cold...I'm wet...they tried to make me wear a dress, but I refused. On the other hand, I'm still havin a ballin time in P-cola!" I laughed so hard at them. It was a delicious laugh, and it felt so very good. Months ago, if something made me sad, because of the overall circumstances in my life, I could not bring myself to laugh no matter how hard I tried or how funny the situation. Yes, God has brought me a long way.<br />
<br />
This morning when I decided to go to a different church, I was struggling again with some sadness from the relationship ending. I was driving by myself and was praying about this hurt and sadness. Once again, I know God spoke to my heart.<br />
<br />
"<i>Do you believe and trust in me with all your heart?" </i><br />
<i> "Yes, God, I do."</i><br />
<i>"Even if that means that there will never be a relationship with David?" </i><br />
<i> "Yes, God, I do." </i><br />
<i>" Even if this means that you never marry again?" </i><br />
<i> "Wait, God, this one is really hard. Please don't ask me this. I loved being married. I love sharing my life and all those connections with a special someone." I paused for a moment and then resignedly said, "Yes, God, I still believe in You and trust You and will give You praise because I know that You know what is best for me." </i><br />
<br />
You see, my life has always been so good, and it was easy to say that I trust and believe God. Now, what I say I believe has been put to the test. Here is the thing. It is hard to truly believe these things. But our first step in the faith process is saying that we do believe. Mark 9:15-30 tells the story of a man who brings his son who is demon possessed to Jesus. Jesus tells him anything is possible if he will believe. The man says, "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief." <br />
<br />
In my heart, that is what I was saying to God today. "Yes, Lord, I believe, but please help me in my moments of unbelief." <br />
<br />
I went on to the church service. It was absolutely wonderful. God met me there, and I worshiped. There was one particular song that we sang that I felt was my prayer to God. Here are a few of the lyrics that meant so much to me:<br />
<br />
<i>So what can I say</i><br />
<i>What can I do</i><br />
<i>But offer this heart O God</i><br />
<i>Completely to You</i><br />
<br />
<i>So I'll stand</i><br />
<i>With arms high and heart abandoned</i><br />
<i>In awe of the One who gave it all</i><br />
<br />
<i>So I'll stand</i><br />
<i>My soul Lord to You surrendered</i><br />
<i>All I am is Yours.</i><br />
<br />
Six months ago, when I was in the dark place, I could not stand. I could not even crawl. Today I am sad. But even though I am sad, I stood in that church service, raised my arms high to God and said, "All I am is Yours."<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe frameborder="0" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/bN1JyZ5yvE0?fs=1" width="425"></iframe></div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-84339228280179972452010-11-20T11:52:00.002-06:002010-11-20T18:15:36.125-06:00Waiting for "The Great Not Yet"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Wait. It is a word that God has brought to me so many times lately. I strongly dislike waiting. It all started a few nights ago when I was reading a book that my friend gave me by John Claypool, <i>God, The Ingenious Alchemist.</i> He was writing about the Joseph in the Old Testament. If there was anyone who knew about the "Waiting Place," it was Joseph. He was falsely accused of rape, thrown into prison, and forgotten. Here he sat, in the "Waiting Place." However, the one thing that we read again and again about Joseph is that God was with him.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The "Waiting Place" is so often looked at with great disdain. It is not a fun place to be. I like having goals. If I have a goal, I have direction. I know where I am going, and I know what I need to do to get there. But in the "Waiting Place" there is no goal. You are just waiting. In the Dr. Seuss book, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>Oh the Places You Will Go,</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> he writes about what he calls the most useless place, "The Waiting Place."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">You can get so confused</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">that you'll start in to race</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The Waiting Place...</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">...for people just waiting.</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Waiting for a train to go</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">or a bus to come, or a plane to go</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">or the mail to come, or the rain to go</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">or the waiting around for a Yes or No</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">or waiting for their hair to grow.</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Everyone is just waiting.</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></i><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Waiting for the fish to bite</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">or waiting for the wind to fly a kite</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">or waiting around for Friday night</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">or a pot to boil, or a Better Break</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Everyone is just waiting.</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Why are we so discontented with waiting? When referring to waiting, it seems to always be talked about with negative connotations. What do we always do when we have to wait in long lines? We complain. Why do we do that? I have thought about this, and I think that I have possibly arrived at the answer. We humans tend to think that time spent waiting is wasted time. Even Dr. Seuss agrees:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">No! That’s not for you!</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. </span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. </span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! </span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Well, I love Dr. Seuss books, but I have to say that I respectfully disagree with him on this one. The waiting place is not a useless place. Here is where it can become difficult to muddle through. It certainly CAN be a useless place, but I will save those thoughts for another time. What I am talking about now is when we are in "The Waiting Place" at the hands of a Sovereign God. We trust Him with our future, and He says, "Wait." In such a case the waiting time becomes priceless. It is a time of refining us and making us into something more whole and more beautiful than we could ever be, had we rushed right through the circumstances or, worse yet, had we thrown our hands up in despair and given up.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">When Joseph was in prison, he could have sat around day and night, withering away as he lost his way while in "The Waiting Place." But that was not Joseph. In the words of John Claypool, "The most practical difference between asking, 'What can I do now?' instead of protesting, 'Why me?' is enormous indeed. Joseph proceeds to do the very best thing he could do in that terribly difficult situation: he became a servant to the other prisoners around him."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We live in a world of instant gratification, and none of us enjoys waiting. I know I don't. But what I have to understand is that this waiting time for me is a time for God to mold me and shape me into the person that He wants me to be. God has been putting this in front of me constantly over the last few days. I really enjoy reading the Psalms. In one night I read two different passages that dealt with waiting:</span><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act. - Psalm 37:7</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry. - Psalm 40:1</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This happened the very same night when I was reading John Claypool's book. I had been greatly intrigued by one of his quotes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We are called to stay open in hope in relation to The Great Not Yet. We must resist the temptation to rush too quickly to judgment regarding the nature of any event. The wiser approach is what the Bible calls "waiting upon the Lord." If we are still breathing, it is too early to tell about the ultimate impact of any event in our lives.</span></i><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Every time I read, that I get excited. God is preparing me for "The Great Not Yet." I want to rush into things; that is just my personality. However, slowly and painfully, I am learning from God the value in "waiting on Him." What He has for me is great and amazing, but it is just not time yet. He is still working on me and healing my wounds and getting me ready, because what He has in store for me is going to be amazing.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">When we are in "The Waiting Place" because God has us there to prepare us for our future, it is a good thing. He is getting us ready for "The Great Not Yet." That is exactly what he was doing with Joseph. He was preparing him for great things later in his life. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So when I become frustrated and weary with waiting, I am not going to say, "Why me?" I will say, "What can I do now?" For now, I am going to let God do His work. I am going to enjoy my girls and the other wonderful people in my life, and I am going to joyfully anticipate "The Great Not Yet!"</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 16px;">Isaiah 40:27-31</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 16px;">Don’t you know?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Haven’t you heard?</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> The eternal God, the</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Lord</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">, the Creator of the ends of the earth,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> doesn’t grow tired or become weary.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> His understanding is beyond reach.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">He gives strength to those who grow tired</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> and increases the strength of those who are weak.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Even young people grow tired and become weary,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> and young men will stumble and fall.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Yet, the strength of those who wait with hope in the</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Lord</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> will be renewed.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> They will soar on wings like eagles.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> They will run and won’t become weary.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> They will walk and won’t grow tired.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">*<i>To read more about the life of Joseph, see Genesis: Chapters 37, 39-50</i></span></span></span></span>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-91577562651845405822010-11-19T17:25:00.002-06:002010-11-20T18:26:45.702-06:00Mating frogs were NOT part of the plan.I have heard many times that <em>hate</em> is a very strong word. Webster defines it as <i>"intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury." </i>I hate creepy crawly things. I think in this case, the word <em>hate</em> is very appropriate.<br />
<br />
Early on in my Unplanned Journey, I found great satisfaction in learning how to use all the "man tools." All of our yard tools are top of the line and gas powered. They get the job done. When I learned how to use that heavy duty edger and blower, I was ecstatic. I would come in from doing the yards, filthy from head to toe, and have a great sense of accomplishment. It was amazing, and I thought to myself that I could do anything.<br />
<br />
Then came time to work on the pools. Let me just say that I have neglected my pool lately, and now it looks like a lake rather than a pool. I carried the sample into my wonderful friends at Robert's Pools. Before I handed Robert, Jr. the sample, I said, "Okay, Robert, this water is a mess. But let me just say that I am a single parent, working full time, raising two teenage daughters and taking care of a house." He laughed and told me that I got a pass. Then he spent thirty minutes testing the water and giving me a list with fifteen things to do to get the pool back in shape. <br />
<br />
The first item on the list was to clean out the skimmers. My friend gave me these wonderful little gadgets called a skimmer angel. It is a stick with a handle that attaches to the skimmer. They were great because you don't have to stick your hand down in the water to pull the basket out. Once again, I was faced with a post divorce challenge, and I conquered. Then came the cold weather. I guess all the little slimy creatures don't care for the cold water. Today when I opened up one of the skimmers, the angel was covered with spiders, even on the handle. The other skimmer had two frogs. Not just two frogs, but two frogs mating. This was one of my breaking points. It is crazy, but it is ridiculous things like this that sometimes just push one over the edge. I have taken on a lot of responsibilities as a result of becoming single, but I draw the line at handling mating frogs. So I did what any decent mother would do. I called for the girls and asked one of them to come take care of it. Lily came out, and we made a deal. She would handle the skimmer with the frogs if I would handle the one with the spiders. She doesn't mind the slimy creatures but hates spiders. I tackled mine first. I started by knocking the spiders off the handle with a stick. The only problem was that as quickly as I knocked them off, they crawled right back up. Finally, I just went for it. I knocked them off, jerked it out and threw it in the yard. Then it was time for Lily to break up the love fest. As she reached down to get the basket, she saw a spider hiding under the handle. She just couldn't do it, not with a spider around. So I reached down to get the basket. The frogs were not on the handle. They were actually on the top of the water. Everytime I would reach to get the basket, I would scream and let go. In my mind, I could just see those frogs jumping on me to "finish their business." But after ten minutes of arguing over who would get the basket and both of us balking right before grabbing it, Lily finally did it. I had knocked the spider off. She grabbed it and threw it into the yard. I am sure that the frogs were greatly disgruntled as their little romance by the pool was rudely interrupted. But we did it! <br />
<br />
You know, it is times like these that you have the choice to do one of two things. I can get angry and bitter because I am having to deal with this, and it just is not fair. That is not the answer. Plenty of women who are not divorced have the same situations thrown on them. I think of my friends who have husbands who are deployed. Even worse, I think of my friends who have lost husbands. So getting angry just is not the solution. My other choice is to conquer the fear and laugh about it afterwards. We chose the second option! Now while I have conquered my fear for the moment, I am not ready to sign up for classes in entomology! But for the moment I can say that I conquered another hurdle in this crazy world of divorce, and we can have a great laugh.<br />
<br />
So, as my friend would say, "It's all good...it ain't always nice...and sometimes it is even creepy and slimy, but it is all good!"Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-55001657686508603552010-11-18T06:09:00.002-06:002010-11-18T17:35:23.794-06:00Experience: The Brutal Teacher"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn." This is a quote by C.S. Lewis. I love it. I don't like living it at times, but it is so true.<br />
<br />
What has my experience taught me this year?<br />
1. I have learned the value of family and friends. You cannot survive without them. In Genesis, God said that He didn't want man to be alone. I have learned that the worst thing I can possibly do is isolate myself from the people whom I love and who love me.<br />
<br />
2. You can have a thousand friends who surround you day and night; however, you still cannot survive without God. He is my Ultimate Friend. Here is another quote from C.S. Lewis: "God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing." How does God give happiness and peace? I give myself to Him, constantly. I offer up prayers asking for Him to fill my sadness. I ask Him to be my Comforter. I ask Him to give me peace. I read the Psalms.<br />
<br />
3. If I don't run to God, there is an enemy out there waiting and more than happy to take His place in my life. However, he doesn't give happiness and peace. He gives despair. Here is what I have learned from experience. When I get tired and overwhelmed in body and spirit, he is ready to step in and do his best work. What do I do when those things happen? First of all, on a practical level, I try to get some rest. It is amazing what a good night's sleep will do for you. Then I revert to number 1 and number 2. Before long, I am feeling alive and restored again.<br />
<br />
Beth Moore talks about learning from God in two ways. The first way is like sitting in a classroom. We listen to the teacher, and we learn when we study what she says. In the spiritual realm, that would be like reading your Bible, attending worship, taking part in Bible studies and prayer. She says that the second way that we learn in school is by leaving the classroom and going on a field trip. We go see the subject we are studying for ourselves. I remember going with Lily in the sixth grade to the American Village in Montevallo. I learned more that day about the American Revolution than I did in years of a classroom because on that day I experienced. This is the second way we learn from God. We take a field trip, we experience it, and we grow from it.<br />
<br />
I have been on one heck of a field trip this year. While it was not a fun one, there is no doubt that I have learned. There are things that I have said that I believed all my life. "God will never leave me. God will never forsake me. Take your troubles to God, and He will see you through anything." I believed those things with all my heart. But this year I took a field trip. I experienced it on an up close and personal level, and these truths are deeply ingrained into who I am.<br />
<br />
No one took a field trip like Job did. After losing everything, he simply said, "Naked I came from my mother’s womb,and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; <br />
may the name of the LORD be praised.”<br />
<br />
Take the time now to learn what you can from God, so that when the field trips do come, you will be ready to go!Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-88090205530822596692010-11-17T06:57:00.006-06:002010-11-18T18:51:31.147-06:00Resting my Heart in the Hands of GodI have had many people ask, "What do you call dating when you are doing it the second time around?" I really never had an answer. You don't say, "I have a boyfriend." That just sounds too juvenile. I finally decided that the best way to put it is that I am seeing someone. <br />
<br />
For the last six weeks I have been seeing someone. One of the greatest gifts that he gave me is laughter. I have experienced tremendous suffering this year. There is a great line in the song "Held." It says, "We're asking why this happened to us who have died to live." Back in January I felt as if I had died, but yet I was still alive. I did not laugh. I could not laugh. Finally, over time, God began to restore that which I thought was broken beyond repair. This summer I found myself laughing again, and it felt really good. Then, in late September, I met David. He was the "icing on the cake." I found that not only could I laugh with my friends; I could also laugh with a special man.<br />
<br />
Along with giving me the gift of laughter, he made me feel beautiful. When I walked into the room, he would light up. For someone who has experienced rejection, I cannot tell you what that means. I have so many friends who have loved me deeply through my divorce. One night when I had hit absolute rock bottom, the husband of one of my best friends looked at me dead in the eyes and said, "You are a beautiful woman. Don't you ever forget that." It is nice to hear it from family and friends or even my precious students. But here is the thing. As wonderful as it is to hear it from these people, you still feel as if they are supposed to say it. It was a completely different feeling hearing it from David. Not only did I hear it, but I saw it in his eyes as well.<br />
<br />
The greatest gift that David gave me was hope in future relationships. I thought that I would never feel romantically for another man again. Through dating David I learned that I could hold hands with another man and feel completely comfortable. I could cuddle up on the couch and watch a tear jerker movie and cry my eyes out while he held me and feel totally at ease. I honestly thought that I could never be in another relationship. David showed me that it is possible; and not only is it possible, it can be great and fun.<br />
<br />
I am sure that you don't have to be an English teacher to pick up on the fact that I have been using past tense. David and I are no longer seeing each other. We are still friends. I am sitting here smiling as I think about him. I have said from the very beginning of this blog that everyone's journey is different. I have come to believe that ever so strongly. While there may be pieces and parts that others traveling their journey can identify with, no one is going to take the exact same journey that I take. I realized a couple of weeks ago that we seemed to be on different pages with the feelings that we had for one another. Let me stop here and say that I think this is completely normal in relationships. I absolutely believe with all my heart that sometimes feelings in relationships develop at different speeds. There is nothing wrong with that. However, for my journey, that is not a place where I can be and feel safe. This year I was faced with the fact that someone whom I loved with my whole heart, soul and being did not feel the same way about me. In my unplanned journey, I just cannot be in a relationship where we are not at the same place. I know that loving again is about taking chances; however, I cannot take the chance that six months down the road, I will be head over heels about someone whose feelings just never made it to that point. I have to protect myself from that unnecessary pain. <br />
<br />
I would be lying now if I said that I don't feel any pain. My heart is sad, but I am okay. You see, my heart is resting in the hands of God. He is holding me ever so safely and securely in the palm of His hand. I am more assured than ever that He has a perfect plan for my life. While I am sad, I trust God with all my heart, soul, and mind. I know that what He has for me is perfect. It would be very easy for me just to stay in the relationship because it feels good to have someone fill that void. But, while that would be easy, it would not be best for me. For a few weeks, I trusted my heart to a very good man. He took very good care of it, and for that I will forever be grateful. I will always believe that God sent David to me to show me that there can be life after divorce and that life can be really good. He will always hold a special place in my heart for that. But now I must place my heart safely in God's hands. <br />
<br />
Isaiah 55:8-9 (New Living Translation)<br />
<i>“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways </i><i>and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."</i><br />
<i><br />
</i>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-27515432466728959722010-11-16T17:06:00.001-06:002010-11-16T17:23:11.643-06:00Remembering a Special Little Guy, Charlie Wolfe<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXwKecF2rvG0c5RHVwVyPoiySyTR5OsfldvCj2AwEKokE2i9vc4aPuVMzCEKSJBHLzWCCdgHvGA6zJyk2ciM01_yH7ujfrWat3ZKpBOHy-2VCZWCMRIYOnZTh6LVtIikPQEqb_zH_c6ok/s1600/20975_1373981190043_1247194244_31065342_5036118_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXwKecF2rvG0c5RHVwVyPoiySyTR5OsfldvCj2AwEKokE2i9vc4aPuVMzCEKSJBHLzWCCdgHvGA6zJyk2ciM01_yH7ujfrWat3ZKpBOHy-2VCZWCMRIYOnZTh6LVtIikPQEqb_zH_c6ok/s1600/20975_1373981190043_1247194244_31065342_5036118_n.jpg" /></a></div>We lost a member of our family Sunday afternoon. In a blink, my sister's Yorkie was hit and killed. His name was Charlie, but we all called him Charlie Wolfe. I know that many will say that he was just a dog and will not understand the grief with which she and her husband are dealing. But you see, to them and to all of us who have known him for the last eight years, he was not just a dog.<br />
<br />
He was Charlie Wolfe, chick magnet. My nephew, Josh, loved to take him places. He was so tiny that he could curl up and fit into Josh's baseball cap. Girls took one look at this precious little guy and turned to mush. Josh was more than happy to take advantage of Charlie's cute factor!<br />
<br />
He was Charlie Wolfe, construction dog. For the first seven years of his life, my brother-in-law owned a construction business. Every day he would ride to work with Mike and hang out in the office. He was like the office mascot. One time he sneaked out the back door when someone opened it. He disappeared, and everyone in the office was in a panic. Someone saw him at another business. Mike rushed over and to his great relief, there was Charlie. You see, he was a friend to everyone and apparently had made friends with the lady who owned the business. While Charlie Wolfe was just being nice, she obviously took it that his intentions were much deeper. She was not going to give him back to Mike. She said that there was no collar on him and how was she to know that it was really his dog. Mike had to get another local business owner to come and testify that this truly was his dog before she finally relented and gave him back. Needless to say, Charlie Wolfe was kept on a short leash around the office after that escapade!<br />
<br />
Charlie Wolfe was the center of attention. He absolutely could not stand it if my sister and I were having a conversation. He would get in the middle of us and bark and growl until one of us finally picked him up. He also decided when it was play time. He would bring toys and drop them at your feet. You could try to ignore him, to no avail. Again, he would not stop until you picked up the toy and played with him. I used to tell my sister that I was so glad that he was a dog and not a child. If he were a child, he would have been absolutely obnoxious, always interrupting people and pushing his way into the conversation. But you just could not get upset with this precious little guy.<br />
<br />
There is one thing for certain: he loved Janet and Mike, and they loved him. When they would leave him with our parents for a few days of vacation, he would not eat. He absolutely refused. When I would go into Janet's house, he would always run and greet me immediately. One day I went by her house to pick something up. She wasn't there. I never saw Charlie. When she came home, there he came, running out from the bedroom. I told her I thought he wasn't there. She said, "No, I just left without telling him I was leaving. Every time I do that he gets mad and sulks in the bedroom until I come home." <br />
<br />
My last memory of Charlie was from about a month ago. I had gone up to Echo for a visit. I stopped by Janet's house to introduce them to my new friend, David. Mike came out. His arms were crossed over his chest and cuddled inside the crook of his arm was Charlie. The whole time Mike was talking with us, he was petting Charlie. Charlie was as contented as he could possibly be, held in the arms of someone who loved him dearly.<br />
<br />
People often want to know what happens to pets when they die. It is one of those questions that you just cannot find the answer to in scripture. However, I have an opinion. It is simply that, an opinion. In my heart of hearts, I just believe that if God allows us to have such a great love in our hearts for His creatures, then maybe one day He will let us see them again. <br />
<br />
Our whole family is grieving the loss, especially the nieces and nephews. They grew up with Charlie Wolfe. However, no one is grieving like Janet and Mike. I told Janet this week that the one thing that this last year has taught me is that time does heal. I don't believe our pain ever goes away completely, but with time the memories become more sweet than bitter. This is my prayer for her and Mike: that the day will come when they can think of Charlie Wolfe and smile and give thanks for all the memories.<br />
<br />
<i><br />
</i>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-53723797926333349162010-11-05T05:51:00.001-05:002010-11-06T18:53:34.603-05:00Whippin' Up Some Banana BreadYesterday, Lily said, "Mom, I ate one of those bananas, and it was so gross. It just turned to mush in my mouth. I thought I was going to be sick. You need to make banana bread."<br />
<br />
This morning, I woke up at 3:00. After lying in the bed for an hour, I finally decided to get up. I actually got a lot accomplished. As I was putting away dishes from the dishwasher, I saw the bananas that are now well over halfway covered with brown spots. It was at that point where I had to make a decision. I either throw away the bananas, or I make banana bread. So I looked up a recipe and whipped up some banana-chocolate chip muffins. That is the way the girls like them. They don't care for nuts, and years ago they fell in love with Ms. Karen's banana bread made with chocolate chips instead of nuts.<br />
<br />
Now I sit here in the quiet of the morning. I have my coffee, my computer, and a muffin hot from the oven. I had to tear it apart so it would get cool enough for me to eat it. I just took my first bite, and it was heavenly! I started thinking, "Isn't it amazing that something so disgusting as an overripe banana can be transformed into something so wonderful?" <br />
<br />
Sometimes life is like those overripe bananas. We feel used up and worthless in our current state. But there is one thing that I believe with all my heart. None of our experiences in life are wasted when we take our leftovers to the Divine chef and let Him do His thing. He creates masterpieces! Now the process is not easy. When I made that banana bread this morning, I started out by mashing those bananas until they were just one big pile of mush. Then they had to have other ingredients added to them. The worst part for the poor bananas was being put in the oven and heated up to 350 degrees and cooked until the transformation was complete.<br />
<br />
I dare say, our journey with God is much the same way. I want the transformation to be simple and easy. "Here, God, take my mess of a life right now and make it good, and I will check back with you tomorrow for the finished process." Oh, how I wish. But while all of our journeys are different, the process of dying to ourselves and letting God do with us as He sees fit is sometimes painful. <br />
<br />
I want to be clear on one thing here. I am not necessarily talking about the circumstances in our life. I think of dear friends that have lost children and spouses. I will never believe that God caused that to happen to make them better. I believe that it is a result of our living in a sinful, fallen world. I am talking about when circumstances of life leave us feeling used up and worthless. I know it is a simple illustration, but think about the bananas. Their aging and ripening was just a part of nature. It just happens. But when they got to that point, they were able to be changed into something wonderful. <br />
<br />
So, I sit here today at 42 years old, facing a new life ahead of me. It is not the one I had planned. There are days when the enemy makes me feel pretty used up and worthless. But I am going to hand this life over to the Divine Creator and let Him do His thing to make me into a new creation! I know it will not be easy, and it will probably be hot, uncomfortable, and even painful at times. However, I know that the end result will be worth it!<br />
<br />
2 Corinthians 5:17<br />
<i>Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!</i>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-2655283247583777742010-11-02T07:39:00.004-05:002010-11-06T19:17:14.556-05:00Goin' all Ms. Adams!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxCk3Z4LqDPLx0wF-JBZ5EHY0hHgX1xbvS7uU9J_0BJDdR61_YfqrPHVFeHFo_JbBC1PpM0hqehPKyD2oa5ZFt5zh5g0QPvsroVjLkiIO3fE_wRg9ADBkXCM8EXhcu3XMXC6a2mWElJ5w/s1600/74483_169242039768156_100000470843117_534299_6763465_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxCk3Z4LqDPLx0wF-JBZ5EHY0hHgX1xbvS7uU9J_0BJDdR61_YfqrPHVFeHFo_JbBC1PpM0hqehPKyD2oa5ZFt5zh5g0QPvsroVjLkiIO3fE_wRg9ADBkXCM8EXhcu3XMXC6a2mWElJ5w/s200/74483_169242039768156_100000470843117_534299_6763465_n.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>In Algebra 2 last week, we derived the quadratic formula. I love going through that process, but for some reason, the kids don't get too excited about it! When we finished, most of their heads were spinning, and they were done with math! One of my students brought seven packages of post-it notes to school. In the last few minutes of class, they decided to cover my desk with the post-its. I was not thrilled about their artwork. The picture to the right was posted on Facebook. The following conversation took place on Facebook afterwards.<br />
<br />
<b>Ross:</b> You should've done the top, covering all her stuff.<br />
<b>Trevor:</b> We started to, but she went all Ms. Adams on us.<br />
<b>Me:</b> Trevor, what does it mean to "go all Ms. Adams?"<br />
<b>Trevor:</b> Go all Ms. Adams on, (goh-all-miss-ah-dimz aw-n), V. 1. To prevent the completion of an otherwise brilliant piece of artwork (Ex. We were covering the top of Ms. Adams' desk in sticky notes, but before we could finish, she went all Ms. Adams on us.) 2. To make an enlightening and/or heartwarming blog, essay, or collection of writings about a normally dismal subject (Ex. I totally went all Ms. Adams on my report about the Holocaust.)<br />
<br />
My heart was warmed. This was my goal with the blog. How has this happened? There is no other explanation than God has been with me every step of the way and carried me through on the dark days when I didn't think I could make that climb out of the bed. I love the following verse:<br />
<br />
Isaiah 61:1-3<br />
<strong><em>Good News for the Oppressed</em></strong><br />
<br />
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,<br />
for the Lord has anointed me<br />
to bring good news to the poor.<br />
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted<br />
and to proclaim that captives will be released<br />
and prisoners will be freed.<br />
He has sent me to tell those who mourn<br />
that the time of the Lord’s favor has come,<br />
and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.<br />
To all who mourn in Israel,<br />
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,<br />
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,<br />
festive praise instead of despair.<br />
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks<br />
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.<br />
<br />
Most commentators agree that while the prophet Isaiah is speaking, it is understood to be Christ, and these beautiful words hold true for God's children even today. I believe this with all my heart. How can I believe? Because I have experienced it. Last year, I felt as if my life were burned up, and there I sat, left holding the ashes. I know mourning, and I know despair. But I am on the other side. Christ wrapped up my broken heart. He freed me from the prison of bitterness. He miraculously took the ashes I was holding, breathed life into them, and created something beautiful. It is not possible for me to be at the point where I now am without His divine intervention in my life. It is that simple. <br />
<br />
This is my third year in teaching Trevor. Many mornings or afternoons, Trevor and some students hang out in my room, just killing time. Often, we discuss "life topics." Most of the time, Trevor and I have differing opinions on these topics. We are free to discuss issues and share opinions in a calm, rational manner and respectfully listen to each other's viewpoints. However, I feel pretty sure we are in complete agreement about a few things.<br />
<ol><li>Last year, my life fell apart. </li>
<li>I had the choice to let it break me, or let it make me stronger. I chose the latter.</li>
<li>I write this blog to show people that no matter what life throws your way, you can still find joy, and life can still be good.</li>
</ol>Okay, here is where we might disagree. How have these things been accomplished? The only explanation that I have is that I took all my ashes, my heartaches, and my tears, and I handed them over to Christ. After I knew that divorce was imminent, I said simple, short prayers. "God, I can't do this." "God, I give this over to you." <br />
<br />
I could not have handled the situation on my own. It is that simple. If it were just up to me, I would still be the empty shell holding tight to the ashes and focusing on what used to be. I wish I could explain how specifically He brought about the change in my life. That I cannot do. All I know is that He did it! He took my shattered life and made it whole again, and it is a good life!<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">So I appreciate the comment from Trevor. However, while I may be the one who writes the "heartwarming blog about an otherwise dismal subject," it truly is inspired by One who has taken my cold heart and warmed it again!</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7XjCtQckq_pm6ZTlmeQKi_yC-auB8MOV2CbH_v1_SIffZcuTHfwJ_cN28sVx6JC-83jxT63i9Up7BzKfwRZ9yF-rhfAvlyd3gsNQ2LoGhDkigtMB2BZb6hn5GqLJyFoTAG8pWh8dJog0/s1600/IMG_0773.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" nx="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7XjCtQckq_pm6ZTlmeQKi_yC-auB8MOV2CbH_v1_SIffZcuTHfwJ_cN28sVx6JC-83jxT63i9Up7BzKfwRZ9yF-rhfAvlyd3gsNQ2LoGhDkigtMB2BZb6hn5GqLJyFoTAG8pWh8dJog0/s200/IMG_0773.JPG" width="133" /></a>Here is a picture with Trevor. He loves sporting his long hair. I am not sure if you can read the paper, but it says, "I teach Jesus." </div></div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-4020498235220599522010-10-23T10:26:00.006-05:002010-10-28T20:36:36.316-05:00Back in the Saddle Again!Lily loves riding horses. She started riding when she was ten years old. I remember when she had her first really bad fall. The lady who was teaching her had said that her first hard fall would quickly show us if she was a true horse girl. She jumped right back on and took off again. Okay, she has the horse gene in her blood. It was decided! She knew she could be hurt again and probably would be hurt again, but she wasn't afraid to jump back in the saddle and trust again.<br />
<br />
I wish it were this easy to trust people and life again after you have been hurt. When you go through a divorce, trust dies a quick and sudden death. You are convinced that it will never live again. There are truly no words to explain it. Only those unfortunate ones who have traveled this path can understand it. You stood before God with the one that you loved and pledged to live your life out with him. "For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part." I meant that with all my heart. I knew that I would be married to Jason forever. He was my soulmate and my best friend. But now it was over, and how could I ever trust anyone again with that vow before God? So the easiest way to protect myself is to build walls and not let anyone in. This way I don't get hurt. <br />
<br />
Late in the summer the girls started encouraging me to get "back in the saddle." I had a good friend who suggested on-line dating. She told me that it is a great way to ease back into dating. You can meet someone for dinner. If you don't like him, you never see him again. You don't have to worry about hurting his feelings or the feelings of the person who "set you up" with him. Lily was completely on board and thought it was great. Anna thought it was just weird. So I held off. Lily continued to push the envelope for a while longer, so finally I relented. I sat down with her and created an account. The deed was done.<br />
<br />
When I got home from school on Thursday, Lily checked the site. She had way too much fun with this. I was getting ready for dinner with a friend, and she was going through the e-mails and matches. She was cracking me up. The second e-mail was from a guy named David. Lily said, "I like this guy." She called Anna back and got her in on the fun. Anna liked David too, and they both agreed I should reply to the e-mail. I am going to tell you, that must have been one of the hardest things I have done in a long time. Through sending this one e-mail, I was opening up the door to trust again. I was hopping back on the saddle, and I was absolutely terrified of getting hurt again. We typed the e-mail. It was a family affair. I could not send it. I absolutely could not bring myself to do it. I just sat there and looked at the e-mail. The next thing I knew, Lily reached over and hit send. It was done. I felt ridiculous for being so anxious. I mean, come on, it would probably be one date, and I would never see him again.<br />
<br />
We e-mailed back and forth for a few days. I have to say that he had an unfair advantage, because he was able to read my blog. He was and continues to be such a gentleman. He would not even ask me on a date until I said that I was ready to see him. I do not know how it happened, but through exchanging the e-mails and texts, something that I thought was completely dead within me began to come back to life . I am not naive, and I understand that a part of this is the excitement of a new relationship. But even so, there still is something there that I cannot explain.<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I finally said that I would like to see him. We had our first date on Friday, October 8. He stressed that he felt like he was under a great deal of pressure here, because this date could show up as the subject of a future blog! Well, I have to say that it was the perfect first date. We went out to dinner and then went geocaching. This was a new experience for me. Geocaching is a high-tech treasure hunting game played throughout the world by adventure seekers equipped with GPS devices. The basic idea is to locate hidden containers, called geocaches, outdoors and then share your experiences online. It was great because it gave us something "to do" rather than sitting at Starbucks having awkward conversation. It was also better than sitting in a movie, because we actually could have conversation while searching for the treasures.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">It was a great evening. One of the things that touched me the most was the way that he looked at me.When he looked at me, he didn't look away. It is as if he were staring right down to my very soul. It was as if he saw every pain I have ever felt and knew every tear that I have ever cried. He traveled a very similar Unplanned Journey several years ago, and he does know the pain, and he knows it well. There he sat, looking at me, as if to say, "I will make it better." Somehow, things started to come alive again. I had feelings that I have not felt in a long time, if I have ever felt them. Amazingly, I began to feel alive again.<br />
<br />
The funniest thing to me was when he met the girls and two of my "other" children, Ross and Robyn, for the first time. This funny, outgoing and witty guy was suddenly nervous and shy! I asked him what is harder, being a teenage guy and meeting a girl's dad or being a grown man and meeting a woman's teenage girls. He relaxed quite a bit last week when we had a geocaching competition with the kids. Ross put the competition together. They called it the "Old Ones" versus the "Young Ones." Guess what? The old ones rocked the competition. There were seven caches. We found all seven and they found two! (Okay, I should say, David found all seven. I was just moral support!) The best thing of the night was that we all had fun. I never thought back in the spring that I would ever again be enjoying life like this again.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">What am I to do with all of this? I honestly don't know. Truthfully, it frightens me. It is all so fast. Is it rebound? Is it that I am feeling cherished and appreciated after months of feeling rejected and unworthy? I just do not know. What I do know, for now, is that when I am around him, I feel good. I feel happy. I feel special, and I feel beautiful. So for now, I choose just to put it in God's hands and go with it. I have my idea of how future relationships should come to be. In my mind, they would happen over time, after the girls have moved on with lives of their own. But who am I to know the future? That is all God's business and His timing.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Regardless of how anything turns out, there is one thing I know. I really like this very special guy. I like him a lot. I hope to spend much more time with him. One thing I can say is that he has invaded my thoughts and taken over the places of sadness that once existed. I find myself thinking about him, and then I realize that I am smiling. This is so much more pleasant than in times past when I would be deep in thought and come to and find myself crying. I don't know where this is going. But for now, I choose to cherish and enjoy every moment of it!<br />
<br />
I know as many of my close friends and family are reading this, they are preparing advice for me! "Be careful." "Don't rush." Let me say that I know all of those things. I do! I get up every day and put this relationship in God's hands. The best thing of all about David is that he is a man of great faith. He loves God deeply and passionately. He also seeks God on a daily basis concerning the future of this relationship. With God at the center for <b><i>both</i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> of us</span></b>, I may be afraid, but I feel safe. So I am going to grab the reins and go for the ride of my life!</div><br />
Early on in my journey, my dear friend, Kristy Stephens, gave me a Bible verse. It is her "life verse," and she wanted to share it with me. I don't think there is a more fitting verse to end this blog with!<br />
<br />
<b>Psalm 37:3-6 (New Living Translation)</b><br />
<i><br />
Trust in the Lord and do good.</i><br />
<i>Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.</i><br />
<i>Take delight in the Lord,</i><br />
<i>and he will give you your heart’s desires.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Commit everything you do to the Lord.</i><br />
<i>Trust him, and he will help you.</i><br />
<i>He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,</i><br />
<i>and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.</i>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-44407554193055869452010-10-21T16:48:00.003-05:002010-11-03T06:08:33.909-05:00Anger ManagementLet me share a snippet of an e-mail that I got from a very dear friend:<br />
<br />
<i>"I have read a lot of what you have written and even tried to respond silently, but that didn't work. What I want from you for both me and you is to just hear/read just one word of anger. I could quit being so "ocd" with my prayers for you. </i><br />
<br />
<i>"Seriously, just a hint of something about the unnecessariness of it all. Maybe just a little righteous indignation?</i><br />
<br />
<i>"I love you more than my luggage but show me something so I can know you are not stuffing that anger."</i><br />
<br />
Hmmm. I have a special friend, and every time he is mulling something over, he always starts out with "Hmmm." This topic is definitely one to be mulled over. I have been doing that a lot since I got the e-mail.<br />
<br />
Am I angry? I have asked myself that and prayed about it and believe the answer to be "No." Allow me to clarify. Have I had moments or even days of anger? Absolutely! I would be lying through my teeth if I tried to say that. My family is torn apart. I have known heartache on a level that I never knew existed. My girls have had to adapt to a "new normal" in life that they never saw coming. Anna "liked" a group on Facebook recently that was titled, "My life has changed so much this year." Was this all unnecessary? Absolutely! Is it enough to fill someone with the toxic poison of bitterness? You bet. I have felt the temporary satisfaction as the poison of that bitterness flowed through my veins. But here was the turning point. I hated the way that the anger made me feel more than I enjoyed the satisfaction of carrying that anger around. Here is what I have found. Initially, the toxic poison of bitterness feels good as it flows throughout us. After all, it is justified anger. Don't we deserve to wallow in it for just a while? Here is the trick of the enemy that we have to recognize. He wants us to feed off that anger. As the matter of fact, he treats us to the cheapest "All You Can Eat" buffet of bitterness. He doesn't charge us a dime for the meal, and the table is always overflowing with endless supply. In time, it will consume us. We start feeling anger not only toward the person who wronged us, but toward others in our lives. We start lashing out at innocent victims because the anger has become a part of who we are. It becomes the way that we communicate with people. The toxin takes over and destroys us bit by bit. This, my friends, is a terrible place to be. <br />
<br />
As Christians, God wants to fill us with His presence. His presences brings peace. Let me clarify one thing. It does not happen overnight. It takes time, much prayer and encouragement from others in the faith. In the onset, it is a choice. You choose to forgive, even when you don't feel like it. When your mind begins to wander to the contempt that you feel, you choose to think about something different, something pleasant. You continue to make that choice day after day. I don't know how it happens, but one day you wake up and realize that you are not mad anymore. You are at peace, and it is a wonderful feeling. Of course, sometimes things happen and you revisit the bitterness buffet. But when you make the right choices over time, you find that it becomes so much easier to walk away from this table and go to God's table. <br />
<br />
Here is the other reason that I cannot be angry. As a result of my divorce, many great things have happened in my life. I want to be careful in saying this. I know it was not in God's will for me to be divorced. However, I know in my heart that He is able to bring wonderful things into my life to redeem this situation. I have had such an outpouring of love from my friends, family, and students. I always knew that I had many people who loved me but never realized the depth of that love and how they were willing to travel the dark paths with me. <br />
<br />
Three weeks ago, my journey took an unexpected turn. I wasn't prepared for the turn, as it took me quite by surprise. A very kind and wonderful man has slipped into my life. His name is David, and I have no doubt that God brought him into my life. He has traveled a similar journey to mine and has survived as well with a stronger faith. He understands my fears and insecurities, and he makes me laugh. Yet again, this is one more blessing that has come into my life. <br />
<br />
Finally, the journey has made me stronger. I know now that when you reach the point where you think all is lost and you can still have hope, you have made it. I walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and my Good Shepherd was with me all the way, loving me and carrying me through every dark moment of the soul. Just as I now know the depth of love of my friends and family, I also know and have experienced the great love of my Heavenly Father as He walked that dark path with me. <br />
<br />
So this is where I am. I am not trying to sugarcoat and make things sweet. It has been real and raw getting to this point, but I am here, and I am thankful for the lessons that I have learned and the blessings I have gained. Why would I choose anger, when I can choose peace and contentment?<br />
<br />
One of my favorite verses is found at the end of Genesis. It is the end of the story of Joseph when he is reunited with his brothers, the same brothers that sold him into slavery. He said to them, "What you intended for harm, God has used for good." It is my prayer that this could be said of my life!Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-47601445903733921742010-10-21T10:05:00.006-05:002010-10-27T08:35:04.176-05:00Wisdom From a Teenager<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><i>This was a comment left on my blog, "A Very Dark Place" by one of my students. She is traveling an Unplanned Journey as well. I asked her permission to share it as a blog. There is much wisdom in the heart of this 17 year old girl that could help many people. </i></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZf9An8puczo5bgD2dFSLabTiH98qH3GFlXvGWDLAlGtBPQ-fu1vBK3NSl579dDmDsEpPwOgdFovu1lrWwW58DgXMCQkHEz_C9NlfAavkbENvryR8EiknpJWnPND0G0uUNuPn047bYC2E/s1600/66345_111197702276816_100001597592835_90181_3266165_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" nx="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZf9An8puczo5bgD2dFSLabTiH98qH3GFlXvGWDLAlGtBPQ-fu1vBK3NSl579dDmDsEpPwOgdFovu1lrWwW58DgXMCQkHEz_C9NlfAavkbENvryR8EiknpJWnPND0G0uUNuPn047bYC2E/s200/66345_111197702276816_100001597592835_90181_3266165_n.jpg" width="160" /></a></div> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">"This really touched my heart and made me cry. I can relate to this dark place, and I know how it feels to just want to crawl in a hole and not want to come out. I know you have heard about everything that has happened with my dad, and I never ever in a million years thought that it would happen to me and my family. We were the perfect family, always taking family trips and never ever going a day without telling each other that we loved each other. Every night me and my sister would kiss him good night. I never thought the morning of Saturday, oct 24th that would be the last time I would kiss his cheek. He and my mom were together for 27 years. He was her one and only love and they had been together since she was 13 years old. I watch her everyday and it really does hurt me so much worse because I hate to see her so hurt and lost without him. My sister and I try and get her out of the house, but sometimes she just want budge. I watch her cry herself to sleep every night and I beg God for him back. I sleep with her since dad has gotten killed and there are nights she wakes me up thinking I am dad. It hurts to see all my other friends with dads and know this is my senior year and he's not here for any of it. But I do believe with every piece of my heart that he is with my God and he is in a much better place and he looks down on me, shanda and mom and protects us. Even though he is not here, I can still feel him and I can still feel his presence. I know he is with me. Every time I get in my car and every night when I close my eyes, I say a prayer.</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">I know how the dark place is and I know its no fun and I know how it feels to just want to lay in bed for the rest of your life. I am a lot better than I used to be because I kept telling myself wwdd (what would dad do). I know he would not want me to be miserable and sad all the time and that he would want me to enjoy my senior year and make memories. My life will NEVER be the same. I would give anything to be able to go back to the way things used to be but this is my new life. I'll probably never be used to it and never adjust but its something I have to learn to do because I have no choice. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">This Sunday will be a year and it still feels like a bad dream. I still wake up in the morning time and reality hits me that he is not there and he's not coming home. I dont think you ever get used to it. I still look for him to come home from work every afternoon and he never shows up. Our situations may be different, but I know how life can get you down in the dumps and leave you asking why? But you have no choice but to go on and be strong. God will not put anything on you that you cant handle. He's always that one person that will not ever let you down and He's the one that picks you up and keeps you going when you feel like you cannot. I love you, Ms. Adams and I really do hope things get better for you! You are so strong and just remember He will not put anything on you that you cannot handle!"</span><br />
<br />
<em><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia;">Life is hard. I am so sorry that this precious girl is traveling this Unplanned Journey. But I am so proud of her and the inspiration that she is to me and so many others. I love you, sweet Cindel.</span></em><br />
<div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-15648571223160556162010-10-16T20:55:00.060-05:002010-10-27T08:52:02.172-05:00If home is where the heart is, then my heart cannot seem to make up its mind.I wake up to the smell of bacon frying. I walk into the kitchen to see the most beautiful view of Lake Jordan. I have stayed up way too late visiting with friends. Maybe we were sitting around that familiar dining room table playing a game, or maybe we were just lounging on the comfortable sectional sofa. Whatever it was, it felt easy and it felt good. With keeping such late hours, I could probably sleep in a little longer, but I just can't resist sitting on the barstool and talking with Anita as she fries the bacon. This is the Barretts' home, and my heart calls it home.<br />
<br />
I wake up to the sound of a crazy bird fighting with itself in the glass window. Here, I can sleep in later than normal. I am not sure why, but my biological alarm clock doesn't go off when I am here. I finally wake up around 8:00, which is late for me. I walk to the house next door. Charles made a fresh pot of coffee before going to work. I pour a cup and curl up on the couch as Mary Charles and I enjoy the morning on the lake. I catch her up on my life, and she catches me up on hers. I hear about all the tales and adventures of her life with her children and grandchildren. I always tell her that when I grow up, I want to be her! Charles puts in a long day at work and makes it home around noon! Later in the afternoon, we may go out for a boat ride. We usually then cram around their kitchen table for a wonderful meal. There are lots of other places to eat, but it just feels better to squeeze tight and all eat together. I watch Anna and Charles fight over the fried okra. I laugh. I feel good. This is the Agertons' home, and my heart calls it home.<br />
<br />
Speaking of fried okra, in the summertime when the days are long, Bobbie will often call and say, "Ya'll come over, and I'll fry up some okra." I walk in her house without knocking. She is that kind of friend. Ellie, her dachshund comes running up. I always bend down and hold her away from me for a few seconds because she usually tinkles from the excitement of a visitor! After cleaning up behind her, I pick her up. She just nuzzles my neck and tries to get as close to me as she can. The table in the family room always has some kind of really cool arts and crafts project that Bobbie is right in the midst of. I hear Bobbie yell, "Ya'll come on in." Jessie is either working on the project or on the computer. I usually start cleaning up the kitchen as Bobbie cooks. She cooks. I clean. We have this thing figured out! (We have decided that the days when everybody lived with Grandma might not have been such bad days.) In a while, Steve will come strolling in from his golf or fishing outing. He and Anna will banter back and forth about one thing or another. (She told him one time that her died blonde streak in her black hair was a birthmark. He believed it for weeks!) There is not much okra left when we finally sit down to eat. We have all walked by and grazed while Bobbie was cooking it, and there are only a few pieces left now. Everyone watches each other like a hawk to make sure they are not getting more than their rightful share of the small amount left! This is the Macks' home, and my heart calls it home.<br />
<br />
In the afternoons when I just feel stressed and want to get away for a little while, I walk down to the neighbor's house. Pig, the dog, greets me at the door. He loves to greet company. I walk on in, and David usually meets me first. "Hey there, darlin. Come on in." JoJo is busy running around doing something. She never sits. "What can I get you to drink?" Do not plan on going to JoJo's house without having something to eat and drink! We sit around and chat about life and what is going on. We have such a great neighborhood. JoJo knows everyone, and she keeps us all up to date if there is something we need to know about one of the neighbors. Her son and daughter-in-law usually come in for dinner. They may even bring their dogs, and sometimes I will have LuLu. So this means there are four dogs running around the house: two big ones and two small ones. The small ones cause much more of a ruckus than the big ones! This is the Turnages' home, and my heart calls it home.<br />
<br />
It is 7:15 on a weekday morning. I unlock the door to my classroom and go inside. I plan on getting some things done, but it usually doesn't happen. The majority of the time, there are three or four students gathered around my desk. I am hearing about the latest funny outing, last night's fight with a boyfriend, or sometimes it is earth shattering news that will forever change the students' lives. These are good moments of being able to listen to and mentor these young lives as they face the ups and downs that life brings them. This is Central, and my heart calls it home.<br />
<br />
Here is one for my girls. They are sitting on a familiar campsite. Ross is harassing Anna. She is getting so mad. Robyn is over there giggling at them, and Lily is ignoring them. They have their beds in the camper picked out. As the matter of fact, when the new camper was purchased, they went over first thing to lay claim to their spots. Ross has his Taj Mahal of tents set up. There are three rooms in the tent. Two are for sleeping, and the big one in the middle is for entertaining. The tent is air conditioned. Don't ask questions; you just have to know Ross to understand. The middle room is decked out with a television, a wii, and a dvd player. There is a continuous "Just Dance" competition going on in the tent. Mrs. Leigh brought lots of home baked goodies that are quickly disappearing as everyone sits around the campfire. This is the Shirers' camper, and my girls' hearts call it home.<br />
<br />
And then there is Echo. I am the baby of the family. When I go back, it is easy to slip back into that mode. I can walk into the home that I grew up in and say, "I'm starving." At that moment, I am not a forty-two-year-old with two children, a job, and all the responsibilities of life. I am my mother's child, and she is going to take care of me. "What can I fix you, babe?" Several of the nieces and nephews will be in and out throughout my trip. I love being their aunt. We will all go and sit around my sister's pool as we watch the kids play. They are getting so big. Some are already adults. These days are slipping away from us all too quickly. So, for now, I relish these moments with my siblings as we watch the children enjoying the last few years of childhood. This is where I grew up, and my heart calls it home.<br />
<br />
When I started this Unplanned Journey, something changed about the house that I live in. I love this house. It is so much fun to entertain here, and it has brought us much joy through the three short years that we have lived here. But when our family changed, something changed about my feelings for this house. It is hard to explain. What I have come to realize over time is that it is just a house. <br />
<br />
According to the Urban Dictionary, the saying "Home is where the heart is" is something that you say which means that your true home is with the person or in the place that one loves most. There you have it. Home for me is being with my friends who love me and have cared for me throughout this journey. I have named a few of the places, but this list is certainly not exhaustive. There are so many people who have made their family home for us. I thank God for each and every one of them. They have made the path of the journey so much easier to travel. I don't think we could have made it without them.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-65915699940528783152010-10-10T16:34:00.004-05:002010-10-12T10:59:27.946-05:00It ain't over 'til the cute lady sings!My friend, Blair, sang in church this morning. It was beautiful and inspiring. I do not think there was a person in the service who was not moved to worship through her voice. It was the first time she had sung in church in eleven years.<br />
<br />
Blair's son attended our preschool. The church had a workday to complete some projects on the playground. Blair and I just so happened to end up working beside each other. I say "just so happened," but I believe it was a divine appointment. She and I struck up a casual friendship that day. We would always stop and chat at church, and we went out to lunch. Because of our busy lives, we didn't get to spend a lot of time together, but we always enjoyed the time we did have.<br />
<br />
She knew nothing of my journey until March when she received the letter in the mail saying that Jason and I were divorcing. Blair called me the next week. She simply said, "I want to be there for you." Remember, we were not really that close because we had not been able to spend the time we needed to build that relationship. I also had another casual friend, Cindy, who called within one day of Blair's call with the same offer. I am so thankful for these two and for all of my other friends who have helped me through the journey. So many times we see people suffering, and we think, "I would like to help, but I don't really know them, and I am just not sure what to do." Both of these wonderful ladies said, "I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. But I want to be there for whatever you need." Let me encourage anyone reading this. If you know someone who is struggling, just offer to be there for that person.<br />
<br />
I had dinner with Blair. We laughed, and we cried. It was a good visit. Blair told me that in the past she had sung solos. She said that she had felt God nudging her to start singing again. She went home and later that week heard the song, "His Hands," by J.J. Heller. Please allow me to share some of the lyrics with you.<br />
<br />
I have unanswered prayers<br />
I have trouble I wish wasn't there<br />
And I have asked a thousand ways<br />
That You would take my pain away<br />
That You would take my pain away<br />
<br />
I am trying to understand<br />
How to walk this weary land<br />
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie<br />
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine<br />
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine<br />
<br />
When my world is shaking<br />
Heaven stands<br />
When my heart is breaking<br />
I never leave Your hands<br />
<br />
When You walked upon the Earth<br />
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt<br />
I know You hate to see me cry<br />
One day You will set all things right<br />
Yea, one day You will set all things right<br />
<br />
Blair told me that she started singing that song in the bathroom every morning. She said she would always sing it for me as she prayed for me to have the strength I needed to make this journey. This summer she sang it for us at a Bible study. That is what led to her singing in church. Everyone's immediate comment was, "Where has she been all this time?" God has definitely blessed her with a beautiful voice and a tender heart and spirit for sharing in song. <br />
<br />
I cried when Blair sang last Sunday. This time, I cried happy tears. Especially when I heard the last verse...One day you will set all things right! <br />
<br />
<br />
As I sat there listening, I had another thought. "The enemy may have won a battle in my life. But God is NOT going to let it be in vain." He is not sitting up there thinking to Himself, "Well, I am sorry that happened. That is just too bad." He is working through this terrible situation to bring about good things. <br />
<br />
Most of us know Romans 8:28 by heart. "All things work together for good, to them that love the Lord." I love how the Message paraphrases it: "That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."<br />
<br />
God placed that song on Blair's heart to sing for me because of my journey. As a result of that, a talent that had been in hiding for eleven years came out today. I am certainly not the only person in that congregation on an Unplanned Journey. I know for a fact that there are others there facing far more difficult things than I have had to face. I wasn't the only person who needed to hear that song. Others needed it as well, and today they received that wonderful blessing from God.<br />
<br />
I will never believe that my journey was God's will. However, I will always believe that He is able to use it to bring about wonderful new things. <br />
<br />
I hope to have a video of her singing this song posted soon. Please check back for it. You will be blessed!Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245489476383204077.post-52187017670489846242010-10-06T06:06:00.004-05:002010-12-01T21:14:39.069-06:00Algebra and LifeI love teaching. I would not do anything else in the world. I often say, "What other job in the world can you do that will make you laugh at least once every day?" I have this one precious girl. She was new last year. She is vibrant and full of life. One day she came bouncing in to class. "Ms. Adams, I met a boy named Tree Stand." Nothing surprises me these days. She then said, "Yeah, his parents named him that because he was consumed in a tree stand." I just started laughing and replied, "Darlin', don't you mean conceived?" <br />
<br />
She has been really frustrated with Algebra 2 lately. She says that it just isn't sinking in. I wish that it would come easy for her; truly, I do. I constantly get asked the question, "When are we ever going to use this stuff in life?" I am always honest with them and tell them that most people are not going to use it. But does that mean it is useless? Of course not. <br />
<br />
I have a speech that I regularly give to my students when I get asked this question. Some who are in their third year with me know the speech by heart. I tell them honestly that they probably will never use matrices to solve systems of equations. People do use them in their jobs, but those very special people are few and far between! However, this does not mean that it is useless to them. In the "real world", employers want people working for them who are problem solvers. They are learning to be problem solvers. They are learning that when something comes along that is too hard, they don't just quit. They plug on through and find the solution.<br />
<br />
I also think this concept can be taken a step further in teaching life skills. I care deeply for my students. I wish that algebra came easier for my sweet student that I mentioned earlier. I hate that she gets so frustrated. Last week she had a status on Facebook that said, "I am sitting here stuck on a problem in math, i thought i understood it. Ughhhh stressssing!!!!" How many times does that happen to us in life? We think we have our lives all figured out. Then something comes along, and there we sit stuck, confused, and stressed. <br />
<br />
Well, she finally figured the problem out and made a pretty decent grade on her test. Maybe this is the greatest lesson that algebra teaches us. Life is going to have difficult moments for my dear student. She will have struggles, pain, and disappointments. But when those moments come along, maybe she can think back to algebra and remember that sometimes, she just has to keep going, even when she doesn't understand. Maybe she will remember that even though she sat there bewildered and confused as she was struggling through her homework, with hard work and help from her favorite math teacher, she eventually worked through the problem and got to the solution. That is what I want her to do with life: face it head on and not quit when problems come!<br />
<br />
I know that years from now, most will not remember what a contrapositive is, but I hope that they do remember that once upon a time, they had a teacher who believed in them!<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis2LH8aCVJOkaGbzPn2aMtW9zwvNdyK1JS8MhcJZdA1ToRhuHGaJ5Klw5VMaIRS7tn7PbPONhJZo-PZVm3O7Yao57GnUKdtDFN5rTlbUfLL9xm60H-q82g4hJBNGqIbQ0LPztirsuGEQc/s1600/150218_1725165935768_1436988966_31802441_7140902_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis2LH8aCVJOkaGbzPn2aMtW9zwvNdyK1JS8MhcJZdA1ToRhuHGaJ5Klw5VMaIRS7tn7PbPONhJZo-PZVm3O7Yao57GnUKdtDFN5rTlbUfLL9xm60H-q82g4hJBNGqIbQ0LPztirsuGEQc/s200/150218_1725165935768_1436988966_31802441_7140902_n.jpg" width="158" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and Hayley!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10436763457203050493noreply@blogger.com3