"This really touched my heart and made me cry. I can relate to this dark place, and I know how it feels to just want to crawl in a hole and not want to come out. I know you have heard about everything that has happened with my dad, and I never ever in a million years thought that it would happen to me and my family. We were the perfect family, always taking family trips and never ever going a day without telling each other that we loved each other. Every night me and my sister would kiss him good night. I never thought the morning of Saturday, oct 24th that would be the last time I would kiss his cheek. He and my mom were together for 27 years. He was her one and only love and they had been together since she was 13 years old. I watch her everyday and it really does hurt me so much worse because I hate to see her so hurt and lost without him. My sister and I try and get her out of the house, but sometimes she just want budge. I watch her cry herself to sleep every night and I beg God for him back. I sleep with her since dad has gotten killed and there are nights she wakes me up thinking I am dad. It hurts to see all my other friends with dads and know this is my senior year and he's not here for any of it. But I do believe with every piece of my heart that he is with my God and he is in a much better place and he looks down on me, shanda and mom and protects us. Even though he is not here, I can still feel him and I can still feel his presence. I know he is with me. Every time I get in my car and every night when I close my eyes, I say a prayer.
I know how the dark place is and I know its no fun and I know how it feels to just want to lay in bed for the rest of your life. I am a lot better than I used to be because I kept telling myself wwdd (what would dad do). I know he would not want me to be miserable and sad all the time and that he would want me to enjoy my senior year and make memories. My life will NEVER be the same. I would give anything to be able to go back to the way things used to be but this is my new life. I'll probably never be used to it and never adjust but its something I have to learn to do because I have no choice.
This Sunday will be a year and it still feels like a bad dream. I still wake up in the morning time and reality hits me that he is not there and he's not coming home. I dont think you ever get used to it. I still look for him to come home from work every afternoon and he never shows up. Our situations may be different, but I know how life can get you down in the dumps and leave you asking why? But you have no choice but to go on and be strong. God will not put anything on you that you cant handle. He's always that one person that will not ever let you down and He's the one that picks you up and keeps you going when you feel like you cannot. I love you, Ms. Adams and I really do hope things get better for you! You are so strong and just remember He will not put anything on you that you cannot handle!"
Life is hard. I am so sorry that this precious girl is traveling this Unplanned Journey. But I am so proud of her and the inspiration that she is to me and so many others. I love you, sweet Cindel.