When Prayers Are Not Answered

I heard a song this morning on the way to work. The song was "That's What Faith Can Do" by Kutless. It took me back. Music has the power to do that.

On Thursday, March 5, I was in a counseling session. I had pretty much hit rock bottom. Jason was the love of my life, and here I was facing the possibility that he would no longer be in my life. I was spiraling into the dark place. A good friend came and picked me up from the appointment. The therapist and Jason thought that I needed to go to her house. I went to her house and picked at my dinner. I think I went to bed that night at about 8:00.

I woke up at least every thirty minutes. Every time I woke up, I would hear the words of that chorus echoing in my head.

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

I had prayed so desperately that my marriage would survive. My friends and family were praying with the same desperation. When I kept hearing the words to this song in my mind, I felt as if it would all be okay. I was facing a mountain, but God was going to move it, and my marriage would be saved. I just knew it. That was why that song kept ringing in my ears. It was going to be okay.

The next morning I got up and went to work. I actually felt really good about life. I had a sense that all was well and would work out. That night, Friday, March 6, I found out that my marriage was over. There was no hope for reconciliation. There was nothing I could do. It was over. On my twenty-first anniversary, March 18, 2010, our congregation received a letter saying that their pastor was getting divorced.

Where was God now? I had prayed so hard, and those prayers were not answered. My girls, my family, and my friends had prayed, but it was not to be. My marriage was over. Where could God possibly be in all of this?

I can look back and see that He was right beside me, where He has always been. My prayer did not get answered in the way that I wanted. But there is no doubt that He was there to pick up the pieces of my life and put them back together again.

I had hoped and prayed for my marriage to be saved. It didn't happen. But the words that rolled over and over in my mind on March 5 are just as pertinent for this unanswered prayer.

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

My sky was falling, and my heart was broken, but through faith, I would be okay. I believe that God is "all knowing." I believe that He knew what I was facing. I believe that when the words of this song rolled around in my head that night, it was for what was to come. He was preparing me for the mountains that would lie ahead of me. He was preparing me for the reality that my sky would be falling, but He would be there with my miracle. He was preparing me for a broken heart. But He would be there to see that the broken heart became brand new.

I thought on March 5 that song was rolling around my thoughts to prepare me for reconciliation. This morning I realized that God had placed that song in my mind to prepare me for what He knew I was going to face in the coming months.

The first verse of the song has the following lyrics:

Everybody falls sometimes

Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know

I have a friend that keeps telling me that I am stronger than I know. When I heard the song this morning, I remembered my friend's words. Even when I don't feel it, I know that I am strong, and I will be okay.

I am so thankful that I left just at the time I did this morning. I needed to hear this song. I needed to see what God meant for me that night when I kept hearing those lyrics in my head. I needed to be reminded that God was going to mend my heart. It was not going to happen in the way that I had hoped and prayed for, but it would happen. And I needed to be reminded that I really am stronger than I know!

My prayers were not answered the way that I hoped for, but I still have faith. I still believe that God is in the midst of this chaos and that with time, faith, friends and family, all will be okay.