It has been an eventful trip filled with all sorts of emotions. I have laughed. I have cried. I have had moments of quiet reflection. We have been up here several times since this journey began. This one has definitely been the most emotional. I think one reason is that it was my first visit back to Cain's Chapel. The other reason is that my divorce will be final Tuesday. This will be my last time in Slapout where I am legally Jason's wife. The next time we come up, I will be divorced from him. The book of that part of my life will finally be finished.
I was privileged to be allowed to go to the movies with the girls and their friends. (For those of you who are parents, you know that we are not often invited to be seen in public after dark with our children.) We went to see Inception. In the movie the main character has to choose between staying permanently in the dream state with his deceased wife or coming back to the real world. He finally realizes that the person that is there with him is not really her. He says to her, "I miss you more than I can bear, but we had our time together, and it was great. But now I must let you go."
Lily and Anna both looked at me to see if I was going to start wiping tears. A few weeks ago I probably would have. But I was okay. I held my own. I could relate to the character. There comes a time when you have to let go. I cannot hold on to something that no longer exists. I have to let it go. I think what makes this so painful is that when you let go, you feel like you are losing a very part of your own being. And, in a sense, you are. But it still has to happen. It is not healthy to hang on to something that no longer exists.
I came across a quote back in the spring about letting go. It was in an online article that suggested that you repeat this over and over until you can say it and mean it.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.