Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Things You Are Not Told

I got the very sad news today that another friend is going through a divorce. It just seems to be an epidemic and it breaks my heart. She and I were talking about the difficulties that no one tells you about. We talked about a couple of them. As the day went on, I thought of so many more.

No one tells you that for that first split second when you wake up, you forget and for just that one precious moment in time, your life is normal. It only takes a second for reality to set in. It is like losing your marriage again every day.

You have no idea the impact those empty racks will have on you. You see where their clothes used to hang. You could really use the room, but you just can't bring yourself to hang anything there.

No one warns you that your first instinct when you are traveling and you arrive at your destination is to call them and let them know that you made it safely. Then you stop yourself. That is no longer their role in your life.

You never knew that when you were in a crowded room, you would find yourself looking around and seeing how many people in the room are wearing wedding rings.

No one tells you how incredibly hard it will be to check the "divorced" box on the paperwork at the doctor's office. You stare at it for five minutes before finally getting the nerve to check it.

You have no idea how they creep into so many conversations, just because they are in most of your memories and still so much a part of who you are.

No one tells you that they will show up occasionally in your dreams. It is bittersweet. For those few moments of sweet sleep, all is well. Then you wake up.

You are absolutely not prepared the first time you go to one of the children's events alone. You look around and see everyone else with their spouse. You are convinced that you are the only divorced person in the world.

Yes, these are just a few of the difficult discoveries that you have to make on your own. The list could go on and on. But, there is one thing that many people told me. Time will help. For those friends of mine who are just beginning the journey, hang on to that thought. You will not feel this way forever. I promise. I am proof of that. Now, I must end this blog, because I need to go move my dresses to that empty rack in the closet! :)

I usually end with a Bible verse, but today, I found this quote most fitting:
"Time heals what reason cannot" ~ Famous quote by Lucius Annaeus Seneca, Roman statesman and philosopher who was an advisor to Nero.

Reminds me of an old chorus we used to sing in church:
In Your time, In Your time
You make all things beautiful in Your time.
Lord, my life to You I bring
May each song I have to sing
Be to You a lovely thing
In Your time.


  1. Amy, my sweet friend! I know this has been an especially difficult week...I love you very much and I am so proud of you and so in awe of you! You set a beautiful example of faith for me...thank you! You ARE Wonder Woman!

  2. Amy, this rings so true for military wives, too! Aside from the divorce aspect and losing someone "forever," we feel these same astonishing moments when a loved one is deployed overseas.

    I especially remember seeing Dustin's empty, dry bathroom sink and recalling the way he looked while he stood there to shave. It always made me sad.

    And while I was at parties and other events, I would suddenly be aware of all the "partnered" people, which made me feel very alone and strange.

    Thinking of you!


  3. Amy, my heart aches for you, with tears in my eyes
    I write to say, you and the girls are in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever need anything or special prayers please call or write me. We went to visit Mike and Janet last week, had a great time. You are a beautiful and wonderful young woman, just hold tight and God will lead you. Please give the girls a hug for me. Aggie or should I say Miss Aggie. I know you catch on.Love and prayers.

  4. All of the words you wrote are too true. Time is all that helps heal the wounds. You are an incredible woman. God will see you thru to the right Godly man of your dreams.

  5. Thank you! I trust that is true!