Amy Vs. The Armadillo

So just as the holes in my heart are beginning to heal, holes are back yard are beginning to appear, and I am mad. I spend hours every week keeping my yard beautiful. I have about three squirrels that call this place home, and I am happy to have them.  They are so entertaining. I get such a kick out of watching them scurry along the top of the fence.  They could entertain my dog, LuLu, for hours on end. However, now I am a little upset with the squirrels because I think they shared the news with their armadillo friends that life is good here, and they should move on in.

It all started when I noticed a few holes about two weeks ago when I was cutting grass. Then last week they had multiplied. There were about twenty holes. Now my back yard looks like isometric graph paper.  I called my gardening mentor, Jim Williamson, and before I could finish the description, he said, "Ah, you have an armadillo." Are you kidding me?  First there were snakes, which by the way, continue to be a problem, but that is another blog. Now, this? Oh, I am just angry.

I have talked with several people about how to handle the situation, and the general consensus is a 9 mm. I was reading an on-line article about dealing with these varmints.  I found one quote from the article hilarious.  "A few hundred holes in one's lawn can quickly transfer a flaming liberal conservationist into a blood-lust killer." Well, there are three problems with this.  First of all, I have never seen my armadillo.  I just know he is there.  I read that the best time to catch them is at 2 a.m.  If I stayed up until that time of the morning, I would be a varmint to my students the next day! Secondly, I went target shooting once, and let's just say that  I am not going to ever pursue a career in law enforcement. I am afraid that if I chose this option, I would end up with a few holes in my fence or possibly even my foot. I have a vision of the armadillo rolling on his hard shell back laughing at me. Truthfully, even if I had the time or were a good shot, I just could not choose this method. I am really aggravated with this guy, but I know he is just searching for food.  I just wish he would not rate my back yard as a five-star restaurant.

So for all the PETA members reading this, please don't show up in my front yard with "Save the Armadillo" signs. I am opting for the humane option of catch and release.  Just this morning, I called in the troops on Facebook. Within less than thirty minutes, one of my students responded that her family has a trap.  Hopefully, I can borrow the trap and catch the fellow. I will take him to a lush habitat where he can dig for hours on end and live happily ever after.

I will keep you up to date as the war rages on!